Micro-attractions & Moments

The definition of a micro-attraction is simple but profound: "The understated moments and behaviors that make us realize someone is the kind of person we might want to spend a life with." At first glance, it may seem trivial—just little things, right? But these small gestures are the foundation of what makes a relationship sustainable. They are the quiet heartbeat beneath the passionate fireworks we so often seek.

It’s easy to get swept up in the rush of chemistry. The intense, fiery connection that pulses through your veins, making you feel like you’re living in a state of constant euphoria. This is the stuff that makes us feel alive—like we’re floating on air. And why wouldn’t it? Chemistry hits the same centers in the brain that light up when we're on drugs. It’s intoxicating. It’s a high. It can make you feel invincible, unstoppable, like you’ve found the one.

But here's the truth no one tells you: That high fades. The chemistry that once had you walking on clouds eventually wears off. And when it does, the real question is: Are you left with someone you can truly be with, or have you simply been chasing a chemical reaction?

I know what you're thinking. Maybe you're feeling a bit defensive, wondering if I'm saying that chemistry doesn't matter. Well, let me clarify: chemistry can be beautiful. But it’s the connection—the quiet, deeper bond—that carries us through the years. Chemistry is driven by passion, desire, and yes, that exhilarating rush of hormones, but connection? Connection is grounded. It’s the stillness. It’s the comfort of knowing that this person sees you, truly sees you, in ways no one else does.

Connection is what we lean into when life gets tough. When the newness fades, and we're no longer floating on that high, it’s the connection we’ve built that keeps us tethered to each other. This is what sustains relationships for decades. This is what keeps people saying, “I married my best friend.”

Let me ask you something: How many times have you heard about someone who’s had multiple marriages, each one ending in heartbreak, and thought, “What happened? Didn’t they want to commit?” It’s easy to chalk it up to them just not being able to settle down. But I believe the truth is a little more nuanced. Maybe, just maybe, they were chasing the wrong thing. They were chasing chemistry. The problem is, chemistry doesn’t last forever. Without emotional intimacy, without real connection, you’re just left with the ashes of something that once felt explosive.

There’s a story that many relationships live and die by—the honeymoon stage, followed by the inevitable power struggle, and, if you're lucky, the mindful love that comes after. But here’s the kicker: Most relationships never make it out of the power struggle phase. They don’t have the emotional intimacy to sustain them through the hard parts. Instead of working through the conflict, they choose to walk away, because that initial spark of chemistry isn’t enough to keep them grounded.

So, how do micro-attractions fit into this? These are the heart openers. The small, sweet moments that keep your heart soft and vulnerable. They allow you to be authentic with one another, to let your guard down. These moments are the glue, the quiet connection that builds the foundation of a lasting relationship.

Think about the way he leaves you a note before he heads out for work, or how he makes you coffee in the morning, or how his laugh—the one that sounds so pure and full of joy—makes you want to laugh along with him forever. These moments, the little things that might go unnoticed by others, are the moments that matter.

In the end, it’s not about the grand gestures or the fireworks. It’s the way your hearts stay open, even in the silence. It’s the stillness that holds you together when everything else is in motion. These micro-attractions are what keep the spark alive, long after the rush of chemistry fades. They are the moments that remind us that we are seen, we are loved, and we are exactly where we’re meant to be.